You wonder

 And some nights you miss Life; what it was, how it used to be, who was around you, and who isn't now. You think about how things have changed and where certain people have gone. You think about the ones who don't talk to you anymore. You think about how you will never take good times for granted again. You want your kids to be babies again, you just want to feel a tiny hand holding yours, relying on you for everything. You want to go back and meet a few people twice, undo the past and then go ahead. You think about the laughter, the safety, being taken care of and not having a care in the world. You think about friends that moved on and you never crossed paths again. You wonder if they ever think of you too. You think about what it's all about; working all day, dropping off at night, getting up to do it all again the next day x 5, on repeat. You wonder what's the point if you aren't booking holidays. You wonder how many times you can clean, set and decorate your home. You think about when it may all end and what will finally take you. You wonder if people will think of you fondly if you left. What would they say and how many days would it take to forget your name.

She's enough

To exist in all your own fullness without the fear of abandonment. That scared child who tried to do too much for everyone, just to feel loved, needs to rest. Put her at ease. She's loved. She's enough.

No other

A love that is a love, a love like no other. A love lived like no love ever. 

Eleven seconds

Eleven seconds. 

Not sixty, not thirty, just eleven. 

Don't tell me that you don't have the time. 

You have eleven seconds. 

Don't tell me that in your waking hours, you are that occupied, you cannot pause. 

You can pause for eleven seconds.

You did today, for eleven seconds 

Maybe in your day, you don't think of me now and I'm not in your list of importance. 

But today for eleven seconds, you stopped doing what you were doing; you thought of me only for a monent, you paused for eleven seconds. 

Silence

I don't make shapes out of the clouds. 

I make shapes in the spaces in between them. 

Just like I'll listen to the silence, 

To hear what people don't say. 

Last time

All these posts that say 'you think you have time'; 'you didn't realise it was the last time' hit me harder and harder. Of course it's the last time. It's the fking last time. We just don't know it.

Italy

And when we are done with all of this, you and I are going to Italy. We will roam the cobbled streets in quaint villages and see the Dolomites. You'll pose in the middle of Milan and I'll take photos of you like you are a model. We will eat freshly made pasta and warm bread and not give two hoots about weight gain. Because you'll be free Baby. Free.