Elly Grey

Two. Trying the best they could. Recalibrating and adjusting; their way of trying to hold onto what they had. It was calm and chaotic. Her overthinking and his reassurances. Until it wasn't. It broke. It was exhausting, but it was something. They knew it was. It was a distance. It was words not said. It was yearning understood. There were so many years of silence, that it was comfortable. A hidden longing. An orbit of two planets. Beautiful. 

Just love. No position necessary, your first love, your last, unrequited or whatever. It's just love. You love. You just do.

 My biggest wish is to have peace.  Peace in my heart, my mind and my breathing.  I want peace to be in my home.  I want peace to be around me when I meet others.  I want peace to be in my words.  I want to be removed from anything that will not bring me peace.  That's all I want.  Enough of battles, and tousles and fights.  Enough of situations where I'm not wanted. Peace is all I want to take me home. 

I will never tell him that I miss him. I used to. I did. I would tell him all of the time. But it made no difference. It was met with a silence, a pause and would leave me lost and awkward. It told me that my voice was not heard, or heard and not received. So I now keep it to myself. And I do miss him. I do, but I will never tell him. I will swallow my words. I will drown my heart, but I will never tell him. I will never tell him that I miss him. 

 These aren't freckles, these are stars. And my blood has stardust in it. And I'm magical. I sparkle. These stars are drawn on me to confirm it. 

 Some days there are no words.  You just sit there numb.  And you hope that a friend will come, And translate the deafening silence for you. 

 My heart is turning into stone.  There will be nothing left of me. 

 I have never said that I wanted the Earth. What made me happy was a few lines, a spark of attention. I never asked for the Universe. I never asked for the Ocean or its depths. All I wanted was a glimmer, a light, a softness, consideration. A corner. A soft landing.

How are we today?  I'm well.  Are you really?  Yes.  Are you sure?  I swear!  Are you happy today?  Yes I am.  Really?  I promise!  Reach out if you need to talk?  I will! 

 This is Us.  Blush pink. Pretty.  The hue on my cheeks.  The excitement of you.  Paper thin. Fragile. 

The past few years have been hard and cruel, I would say.  I lost three important men in my life.  On days where I screamed, nobody came.  On nights where I howled, no sound came from within me.  For one of you, I look to the Heavens, and I know you cannot return. I know this. I will love you forever.  For the other, you've gone, and for you to return, would be disastrous for us both. I can love you from a distance, and that is all.  For you, the last. I wait for you. My heart aches for you. How I miss you. I hope you come back to me, before it's too late. I hope you haven't forgotten my love. I will wait for you. 

 I hope the sun shines always for you and on dark nights, the stars glisten. 

 She said she's never loved anyone as much as she loves you.  And you didn't realise that you were my whole Universe?

 She's the one you didn't see coming.  She's the one you can't let go of.