Elly Grey

When I don't understand,  I read.  I read so that what's been said in the past, will make sense of the current situation.  And it did. It does.  It helps me see you. Again. 

 You lose, you lose again And then you gain. You lose once more, and you don't know why life treats you so badly,  But then you gain.  It's a journey of losing and gaining.  And somehow it balances out. And you start to notice the gains, Once you've made it. And trust me  You'll remember your losses, And you'll thank them.

All I'm begging for is one more lifetime with you.  Is that too much to ask for?  Because I have so much to say to you. I have nobody that I can share my pain with. But I know if I sat with you, you'd listen and I'd look at you, your face and your gentle eyes and I'd be reassured that you understand me.  Not an hour, not a day but one lifetime. One more chance to be your daughter. 

 There are many ways to say 'I love you'.  If I asked you to tell me, you'd write a list.  And there is the gesture of beautiful flowers, and the comment that comes along: "I know you love the colour orange" "Thank you! How beautiful! And the pink?" "They are both for you! Mix the m up!"

 The message is simple though,  love the ones you love.  Love them with all you've got.  The love you give,  will come back to you.  The love you deserve, will stay. 

A smile, a hello. Finally, you.   An embrace, a longer hold. Familiarity and safety. 

There are hard days, detachment days, and withdrawal symptoms suffered but when you get over that, you're so good.  Everything's good. You can say it now is. 

And they say that 'she should scare you a little.'  You do know what that means, right?  It doesn't mean she's calculating, or would do you harm... It means you're afraid of losing her and that if she wasn't around anymore, if she decided to go her own way, you'd miss her.  .. You'd miss her. 

He is my Crème Caramel. Divine, delightful, sensual, smooth, subtle, surrendering, satisfying, a seductive serenade so sweet. 

And some days you wait to see if there's anything more.  You pause to feel something, anything.  You wait for the week to end, you wait for a call, you wait for love, you wait for life to slow down.  There has to be more than just waiting. Life passes by too quickly to just be on hold.  Because whatever it is, isn't going to come to you. Go grab whatever it is that will cause you to finally come alive. 

Let's take a step back, a few steps actually. Let's go back to the beginning.  Why?  Because we've polluted the water. We need to purify. We need to go back to when it was simpler. You know? When we had laughter and banter and jokes. When things felt new and light-hearted.  It's hard now and things are heavy. We don't laugh anymore. I'm afraid we'll end up hating each other.  So let's take it back a bit. What do you think? 

 "Can I do whatever I want with you?" "Yes. But take care of my heart first". 

 "Do you miss me?"  "I don't miss anyone". "Why?" "Because, whoever I loved, I missed with my heart and soul and they left. They didn't miss me. They didn't care. So I do not miss anyone, Anymore".

I know what we are and what we are not. But all I ask from you is this:  If you're talking to anyone else with the same intimacy as you do with me, then please stop with me.  If you're enjoying another's company more than mine, then please let me go.  If you think I'll never find out, then you're underestimating my intelligence.  I don't want to be left in the dark. I don't want to be made a fool of.  All I ask for is purity and honesty.  Because when I ask you, you reply with what I feel is the  truth. I want to believe that.  Nobody deserves doubt. All we want is security. When you say what you do, it feels like a warm blanket around me. That's all I want. 

 Where the stars kiss the ocean, And the sky touches the horizon. Where you kiss my lips, and I'm in heaven.

 I believe that for the first time in my life, I'm comfortable in being on my own.  I can tell you that it has always terrified me before but not anymore.  I've broken the cage and gotten over my fear and I'm telling you it's the most liberating feeling.  I've realised that everything's ok. I realised that I don't need to be in company to do things, because now I know I can do them on my own.  Now I'm free. 

 And when he said goodbye,  I knew it wasn't the end but actually a beginning... The start of my missing him forever.  My heart sighed and my mind went into overdrive.  How comforting,  No tragedy ever goes to waste.