Elly Grey

  If you say so, I will take your word for it. I will not question it or judge.  I will feel secure and loved.  I will hold your word in regard and know that what you say it is is true.  And then I want nothing else.  But to be loved by you. 

Wait with me until I've finished my tea and read the tea leaves, to see what they say about you and me. 

 I bury the memory of you. You were my one love, my ever after, my hand to hold. My person I was meant to grow old with. Nobody left me ever, like you did. I still cannot comprehend it sometimes but I know this...  That you are never coming back and that will be my forever pain.  I don't think I can trust again. I don't want my heart broken again. I don't want to open up again.  You were meant to stay, to stay loyal and be mine. Did you notice my anguish, my hurt, my tears? Did you notice how broken I was, am?

 And then will come the day when this particular date won't matter to me anymore. Just like it didn't matter to you.

 I really do wonder if I truly do love to drink coffee. Do I? I'm actually a person who loves tea but I'll order a coffee when out. Is it that I love delectable coffee shops, their ambiance and vibe? Is it that I love to observe, the people inside, their faces, especially their smiles? I will wait for my cup in anticipation, wanting to see the coffee art that will appear on top. Did the barista make a perfect heart? I'll order a fancy cake as a side piece. I'll savour both slowly, slower than my usual pace. I'm not hurried or worried. I don't need to be anywhere because I've deliberately taken time to be here. It's a sensory experience. A savoured one. 

 I hide him cryptically so there are no questions.  And you're right, as I've said before, he's always there.  And my heart knows no bounds as he resides in these walls

 "No. Tell me that you missed me first". "I missed you". (And she hoped with her dear, sweet heart that his words were true just as much as she had missed him and deep as her 'I love you's).

 I'm quiet because sometimes I'm too loud. I'm too hyper and I feel I'm overly disturbing you.  So I go quiet, to give myself space and to quieten my mind. To stop the active noise and notice other things around me.  I know you wait for me.  I know you wonder why I'm quiet.  Just know that I need time, and when I'm comfortable again, I'll talk to you. 

A sparrow perched itself on my table. It jumped towards me happily. It looked around, to the right and to the left and then called it's friends. A few more sparrows jumped onto my table.  The first sparrow came closer to the plate that had my blueberry cake. The sparrow pecked at the cake. I didn't mind that as I wasn't going to eat the whole thing.  I sat there amused, watching the first sparrow signal the others to eat, and they did. They had a small party with my blueberry cake. They looked very happy, chirpy in fact, satiated and alive.

 In a bunch of balloons, I describe you as my pink balloon; softness, calmness, warmth. Pink makes me happy. You make me happy. 

 "Do you know the peace I feel when you hold my hand?" "I might have a slight idea, but tell me" "When I feel your hand in mine, I feel that it's my haven, my place of comfort and softness. I feel secure, being held tightly, that you're with me. I love how you lead and I follow". 

 Sometimes you're so thirsty, you think you could drink it all and still not be quenched.  And then you realise that it's the ocean, salt water, and you're better off not drinking it at all.  And that's a metaphor for love . 

 "I'm not coping today. Not very well. If I go missing come looking for me please"

 I wish I could say it was a wonderful day, but it really wasn't. I didn't get to speak to anyone. I cooked my meals and ate alone. I cleaned my home and tended to my plants. I saw the sky and white clouds dance. I prepared for the week ahead and wrote in my book, which I know someday, when all has gone silent, will testify how fine the line is between alone time and loneliness.

 How can I stop thinking about what you did to me? You are my Heart but you have taken it and crushed it.  You didn't speak up for me, you didn't defend me.  It is like you have forgotten all of the love I have for you.  You have forgotten what unconditional love is.  You have laid conditions. Restrictions.  You have a fear of being yourself.  I have a fear that I have lost you.  You don't care about me anymore.  I will never stop caring about you.  My heart is bruised and battered.  But you are my Heart.