Elly Grey

I have decided that if I'm  thinking about him,  I'll let him know. I don't even care if it's a thousand times in my day  I'll tell him each time.  He already knows how special he is to me This will remind him of it more. 

 Remember my friend, of how precious you are.  Your heart is huge. You hold so much love and respect for everyone you meet.  You intentions are pure. You give wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return.  Your presence lights up the room.  So I'm not going to listen to you when you say, maybe it's you.  No. Never. It's never you.  It's they who aren't enough. Insecure, emotionally detached people - they aren't worthy of you.  And why should you settle for less?  Never. Ever. Settle.  You deserve so so much better and more.  You deserve hugs everyday, kisses and adoration.  You deserve to be Number One in life.  Go out and grab that happiness. Create it. Find it.  Don't waste a single moment. Time is precious and you are even more than that. 

 It's his fragrance that takes my breath away. Like the freshness of the ocean breeze, the dew on grass at night, the rain on earth after falling.  And when I asked him what aroma was mine, he placed his finger upon my lips and said,  "Mine, and roses".

 "Do you think he reads what you write?" "No. He has no time for romance". "Then why write for him?" "Because my heart pains and my pen bleeds"

 My whole life, my world, lives in my head. Dreams, imaginations and pretendings. Where would I be without them? It's where you live.

 It cannot be just I who questions of how a person can change overnight. How can someone so attached and connected say so easily that there was nothing ever there? How can feelings that were mutual and consensual, now be painted to be one sided? How can he deny that pains, passions and laughter once shared, mean nothing to him? I refuse to be painted as a Temptress. I do not believe for a moment that he did not feel. He did. He did. He did. We did.

 Whether it be a phrase read, a conversation or words in a poem, the reality brings us to our knees. It tells us to look for the real. Saying:  "This is you. This is the reality, this is now'.

 You've got to understand,  being in each other's lives, is all about escape and comfort. We are each other's happy.

 Let's go and build sandcastles down by the shore. Let's create a place of  love and abandon. Where there's nobody else  in our world except for you and me.

I wanted to see Autumn with you. Golden, red and orange leaves  fallen at our feet.  I wanted to witness our  favourite season together.  The one that tells us how to let go, to be patient  and wait to be together again. 

 I am not the one with the problem. I know that now. It is him and his dilemma. He cannot love me. He cannot leave me.  And he can't have both.

 I told him for the last time that I loved him.  And I know he'll  hold that in his heart forever.

 Words left unsaid. Echoes carried in  the wind.  I wonder if you'll return  and say it  to me again?

 "The mountains?" "The beach." "Are you thirsty?" "Yes."

 Every season is special:  In Summer, Helios shows his strength across the sky.  In Winter everything sleeps. With Spring, it all comes back to life. But Autumn - is my favourite... Where the leaves turn a warm colour, and everything inside becomes cosy.

 We talk, we observe, we absorb, we think internally and will only say something if we feel the need to or if we feel safe to. We don't make a lot of noise to be noticed.

 Grow together in love. Grow apart.  Still, there was love.  So much of it.

 In order to bloom you need to let go of what's holding you back. Sure, it's terrifying, each new step usually is, but I know you can do this. You are much stronger than you know. Let go.

 Sometimes you look at the door and wonder what lies beyond it. And sometimes you need to take one step, to change your whole life.

 If I told you my insecurities,  Would you use them against me some day after a fight?  If I showed you my passion,  Would you run away?  Is this why the Sun is so lonely?  Too loud, too bright, too possessive?

 Your difference is what attracted me to you.  Because you aren't really my "type" at all.  I just saw you there and thought  "Oh Hello... Come into my little Universe and make me ache for you".

 Why do we forget along the way as to how powerful we are?  We can breathe fire?  We can breathe life?

 Guarded, are my feelings that I have for you.  You won't understand them and I don't expect you to.  So I'll keep quiet and low And keep my love for you, with me. Maybe one day...one day,  I'll set this love free.

 Sit next to me and tell me, what words came upon your sighs when you thought of me...

 You'll never know these lines are about you. You'll never know and I'll never tell. I'll never let you know how iridescent your soul is for me I'll never tell you your euphonious voice echoes within me I'll never express how important you are to me As these lines aren't about you

 Turmoil, heartache, treacherous waters. I don't know what I feel anymore.  I wish I didn't feel at all For you.

He wasn't a reader,  He had no eye for art. He thought it all to be commotion.  I thought, there has to be a way...  So I immortalised him,   By writing him into my words.  And there he'll stay.  Quiet, sealed and calm.  In the art that is him.

With every blow this heart receives, it makes an iron fence around itself. It's not allowing anyone close to it anymore. No one is privy to it's thoughts, it's passions, it's madness and it's love.  

The thing about friendship is that you forgive. You put your love and respect first for that person. Ups and downs happen but because you value that person's presence in your life, you work at resolving the issue. 

All she wanted was for you to say that she was important to you, and that you loved her

 "Do you have someone in your life?" "Why would I have someone in my life?" "Well you seem pretty happy" "I'm happy because I've decided to be happy".

So I don't run usually, but I'll run to you.  My heart will leap, my breath will quicken, my arms will open and I'll hug you so tight.  And my feet will run, taking me straight to you. 

Ask me about him and I'll tell you this,  He's my happiness and my calm.  He is my day. He stays with me during the night. He is there. And I'm here. That's the thing, he's always there.  I just love that about him.  

 Just like waves on the shore, he and I come back to each other. To be apart and then together again. 

 I wait for him all day all night but he's lost in his world  and his mind do I ever come across  his thoughts  as he does mine?

 How is it, that you described to me,  everything exactly what I want with you? From, you kissing my forehead, my eyes,  my cheek, my mouth,  my ears. How did you know that I want to feel your breath  in mine?  How could you tell that  when I dream of you,  this is exactly how it is?

 It's perfect day.  The sky is blue, with a few white clouds scattered. We are laying next to each other  on the ground. You are creating shapes with clouds  and I'm looking at your silhouette, thinking about how  perfect it is and how I want to kiss your beautiful  mouth.

He asked me which  photograph of his  I liked. I told him that I  like them all, because they are of him.  The perfect face,  his eyes,  that kissable mouth. I could look at him forever.

 It's him, it'll always be him. Even if he doesn't realise this. I mean, he's smart, real smart but not entirely emotionally smart, but that doesn't matter. It's always him.

 "How will I know you've missed me?" "Because I'll tell you" "How will I know you mean it?" "Because you'll feel it" "How will I know it's true?" "Because you'll miss me too..."

 It's the timing. The timing isn't right. I wish we could rewrite it. Go back, make some changes. Meet back then.  Change the course of our lives. You'd say "Hey, nice to meet you!" and I exhale, "I'm home..."

 "You're late..." "I'm here, aren't I?" "I thought you weren't going to make it." "But I did. I always do." "Thank you." "For what?" "For not abandoning me." "I would never." "I know." "What do you know?" "You. Me. This."

 I'm so scared to think of you as my soul mate. Words like 'forever', frighten me.  I know there's nothing as such.  And everything ends.  But when it comes to you,  I want to think that we  could perhaps defy the odds And make it believeable . That in this life, It has happened.

 Voice notes.  You allow me to be enveloped into your day. And I love it.

 Stay with me under the night sky Let's put a billion stars to shame.

 To write words for one person alone, to write a whole book.  What does that mean? To know a poet and to be the muse of one, is not an every day thing. It isn't boring, or normal love. It's a devotion. It's magic. It's thought encompassing, enveloping.  It's the poet's whole world.

 "Do you realise how  ruggedly handsome you are?" "No" "Well you are!" "Ok enough of this, change the topic..." "No! I don't want to!  we're going to talk  about you and of how I could look at you forever!"

 I talk to him all day.  I carry conversations in my head.  I hear his every response in my heart.  I reply with every breath.

 The thing about his voice All he has to do is say something  and I'm wrapped It's like a calm comes  over me My body feels tingly and light  My mind goes to his lips I picture the words  coming out of his mouth I replay words, his laugh. It carries me soothes me envelopes me

 How much I miss you, I've come to realise this now. Now that you are away,  I feel deep within that something is missing.  You are missing. Not being able to talk to you, see you or hear your voice,  makes such a quiet existence for me. I can't hurry the time. It will take its time. And until then, I will wait  -quietly.

 "𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 🌸. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶" "𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺" "🌸" "❤️"

 My eyes closed,  your voice moves within me. You tell me to do things to myself. You tell me how you want it to be  You tell me where you'd like to be. You take me to the edge,  soothingly, teasingly,  telling me to go deeper, telling me to cry out and let it go.

 Before this all ends... I need to see you.  Before this all goes away, I need your lips on mine. Because it wouldn't be fair, with me here and you  there... that our bodies never meet.

 "What are you looking at?" "The sky" "What do you see?" 'The change. The way she holds herself together. She was grey a few moments ago and now she's ember. Moody, unpredictable, calm, stormy, fiery, asleep" "What does it tell you?" "That it's allowed. To feel, is allowed"

"Do you ever wonder about the cosmos? The size, the energy? How insignificant are we in it?" "In size? Yes, but for two 'insignificant' beings to cross stars at a particular moment is something to behold. Serendipity, synchronicity, it came to be. We came to be".

 "You don't have a clue of what you mean to me. Do you?"  "You embarrass me when you talk like this. I'm not that good" "That's the thing. You don't see yourself the way I do. I honestly think there's not even words for it. But know, it'd be lonely here without you".

 Sometimes people just need a hug.  A good hug.  The type that feels like the other isn't going to let go.  And they don't. They don't let go. 

He's my safe space, where my walls come down.  He breaks my mould so I can be open and free. I don't need to say anything... My peace, my comfort,  My company.

 There's a point of emotional exhaustion, where you want to say "I don't want this pain any more". There's a point of mental exhaustion where you say "Don't drain me anymore" There's a point of physical tiredness, where your head drops and you say "I can't do it, no more"

 "I like it here, on your chest"  "Do you hear anything?" "Yes, my name. Every beat, every gush...I hear my name".

"Why don't we stay here forever?  Build a cabin in these woods.  Have a log fire every night,  warm blankets on us, with our toes touching"

 Everybody was watching the show, looking ahead.  And here I was, with him. Lost in his eyes. Intoxicated by his lips. 

 He said it to me, once... a "Love you" at the end  of a call. It was quick, cute and heartfelt. I felt it.  I held it. I've held it ever since.

 "Good morning" "It is now" "Did you sleep well?" "You were with me...I did". 

"What do you think the stars are saying about us?" "The stars are creating constellations with your freckles and naming them."

 "What can you see?" "Flowers. You?" "You. There can be a million people around me and beauty in abundance. I'll still only see you."

 "How do we define this?" "Well, how does it make you feel?" "It makes me feel new, alive" "Hm" "Your question was wrong. Ask me 'how do I make you feel?'" "Tell me..." "Like Autumn shed the last of my leaves and you are the one that has brought the Spring". 

 "I just want you. Just as this is, like we are now". "But this isn't reality. This is just going to lead to pain". "I know what the reality is. I know nothing's perfect. Nothing's ever perfect. But for me, this is real and that's all that matters".

 "How many oceans lie between us?" "I believe, just one..." "One too many. Just swim!"

 "Have I lost you?" "Why do you say that?" "Because things don't feel the same. There's a cooler breeze, a darker sky, lesser stars and no rain. Nature's changed it seems".

 If I have to describe him,  I'd say he's like a garnet. A warm, dark seed. Deep and hidden.

 I write our conversations down because I know one day,  I will have forgotten your name. But these words of ours, these stories, are what I'll read and smile and remember. And that at some  point in my life,  there was love, so much love.

 You are for me, what I am for you.  But I think, you're just that little bit  more.

What a mess we make trying to say things we long to say but don't. A messy heart, a tired mind, and words jumbled in translation.

" I'm a mermaid. Do you know what that means?" "No," he said. "It means that if you aren't deep enough in your thoughts, if you cannot sink into your emotions. If you cannot feel the coolness of blue, if you cannot savour salt, then I have no time for you." "Wow! Can I atleast try to swim in the depths of your waters, to bathe in your sea?" "Hahaha" the mermaid laughed. "Take a big, big, deep breath and come in". 

 We shouldn't deliberately hurt people and if we feel we are going that way, we should slowly step back, so that we don't hurt them.  We need to know when to let go.. That's the hardest part, how to let go, and when, without hurting the person.

 She wanted the night sky. She wanted ominous clouds and blackened stars. She wanted haunting winds and pelting rains against the window pane. She wanted you to show her the dark side.  The side that's hidden and raw. She wanted extraordinary, abnormal, electric meteor storms. Never-ending tempest. 

 The world is a lonely place if you want it to be and although we have outgrown fairytales, I bet there is atleast one person out there waiting and wishing for your love upon a star. 

 I have looked to the perfect night sky. With the diamantes scattered above me.  I have stared at stars in order to make it fall.  Deliberately, intentionally, forcingly I wanted it to fall and shoot across the sky. So that I could wish upon stars,  for you. 

 I think Love ruins us, or the feeling that it is actually Love. Love actually?  Perhaps we should stay real...Whatever that means. To lose one's heart or actually, one's head, doesn't do any good.

 Everything is clearer at night. Raw thoughts. Pure emotions. Relieved sighs.

 Me: "She's so annoying!" Friend: "Send her love for the sadness that must be in her heart that she feels she does not have her own inspiring ideas and creativity." Me: "Meh! That's not my style. That's YOUR style".

You can't make someone love you. You can't make them love you how you want to be loved. They will love you the way they know how. You may not understand that.

 Your life is as good as your mind set.  Your mind is the most powerful tool. Look after it.  Feed it good thoughts, logical rationalising and air, water and exercise.  We only use a minute portion of our mind. Imagine if we just tried to use just that bit more.

 I won't let you suffer just because I am suffering. That is not my way. Even if you are the one that brought this hurt and pain, I will process it, understand it and come through. But I will not do this to you. That's not my way.

Maybe it's better to have a friend? Then there is companionship and love

"Let's meet some day", but as adults we know it'll never eventuate.  It's words that tumble out of our mouths, putting an end to a conversation. It'll never happen. We will never meet some day.

 Do you ever wonder about how two people meet?  When they weren't looking for anything, not even each other, but they crossed paths and things were never the same.  Bad things happened and still they stayed.  Things got heavy, but they didn't stray. Circling in each other's orbit. Gravitating towards one another. Again and again and again

 You are the sky, in all its Autumn glory. You are the leaves that change colour with their moods. 

He likes mountains.  I like the water. And right now there's seven seas in between us. I suppose, we could compromise...

It's the little things that mean a lot.  It's those things that don't feel like a burden.  They mean the world to her.

 We all fight our demons.  It's what makes us human. It shows we can fail and disappoint. Sometimes demons win.  But sometimes you do.  And sometimes it's too late. 

 But in this chaos, Does she make sense to you?  Because when your world spins,  Is she your calm? 

Time moves too fast when we are having a fun time. We don't realise that it's sped by. And time moves slowly when we are bored and restless. We need to switch this. Take it slower, enjoy the moment more. Be present, savour it. Look at all around you, appreciate your gratitude for the moment. Yeah, sure take photos of the moment, but learn to live it.  I do hope you do. 

 If you aren't chai, chocolate or chehn, I'm going to have to ask you to go away.

 "Let's swim!?"  "Actually, no... Let me drown, in your waters"

We make mistakes, And we don't learn from them.  And that's ok.  Don't be too hard on yourself about it.

 Your excess is your magic.  Don't deprive yourself of it.  Too demanding, too talkative, too much voice, too much writing, too expressive...too much. To be told to not speak, not to write anymore, to not express.  But that's what makes you, You.  If they can't handle you, deprive them. Make them know they've lost you.  They've lost your magical touch.  Not yourself.  You,  thrive. 

'Storm in a teacup'. And that's why I drink chai in a mug.  Who needs a storm when you can have sukh and chehn?

And that's fine.  Accept it. The Universe moves things out of your way to make room for new.  Grieve but don't stay there.  Graciously say your good bye, thank it for its time and let it go. Then there's peace.

 I guess that's the best thing about my intuitive nature.  I'll protect myself and leave before you do. 

Everyone wants to go back in time to fix what went wrong. But they can't.  All they can do is be in the now and make the most of the moment.

The more we experience hurt, the tougher we become.The heart is a fierce beast.

Our souls are stained with stale tastes of promises made and beautiful names given. Try to forget mine.

Two cups of coffee Two people talking Thoughts and dreams shared Two different worlds Come let's write it down Because verbal promises are broken I'll hold you accountable If you break your promise to me

Most likely. It's rare, meeting minds that may happen in a lifetime, where words are not said. 

I'll just lay here and pretend for a moment that things are perfect.  I'll try to block out that you're about to leave my Universe.

 If you are special to me, I'll say my series of prayers for you. I'll envelope you into the sayings and read the meanings and pray that all your troubles disappear. Because when we care for someone, we pray for them from our heart. 

He likes visual I like words We come together nicely

It's strange how we lose faith in love.  All it takes is one person to make it shatter.

I love my intuition. It has saved my life in so many situations. It's a real feeling, that heaviness in the heart and unsettled gut. The next time you feel it, follow it.

 "Don't you wonder what's out there?' "I wonder what's in here actually, in my heart. Why do we want to know about infinite space, when we haven't mastered this?"

Don't fall in love with everything.  Love is everything.  It's not meant to be given, by you, to all. 

You're just a raindrop and I've weathered storms. You are nothing for me. 

It's quiet here. I think I'll stay. I'll also put my walls up again  So that people like you,  Can't disturb my peace again. 

 You don't get to go around and destroy people's hearts. Time will tell you what happens when you do that again and again. 

 I'll always be the friend who will hold out the umbrella for you. That's just what I do.  It's me.  I'll ask how you are and how you are coping. I'll check in to see.  And I know I can be annoying and it's not everyone's cup of tea But it's me.

And I wait ... I wait for you to come again and take my hand, And feed me those words you said... That I thought you meant.