Elly Grey

Learn to give your love to those who deserve it. That's hard to do, I know, and we do learn this the hard way. But learn to save yourself. Keep yourself protected from those who are empty. The ones who are not reciprocating have nothing to give you, so stay away from them; go towards those who love and value you. Sometimes, you have to tell yourself that although you may love them, they are not for you. Don't deliberately break your heart, but nurture it. You are precious and that big muscle in your chest, your heart, is even more. 

 I made this mixed tape for you. It's got all of my favourite songs on it. Listen to it when you're alone and in your room

 Ask me how I am, please.  I need to know that I exist.  I need to know that I'm not invisible.  Ask me how my day was and what stresses I faced.  Let me offload and tell you how hard it was.  Ask me if I need to relax. Ask me if I'd like dinner made for me.  Ask me if I'd like company tonight.  Ask me, because I'm not seen.  People walk through me, And I know I'm not invisible. 

 I can't die alone! I can't die with all this love still in my heart!

Come back, if you think of me. Come back. 

 I'm so tired today. Let's curl up like two tired bumblebees, and sleep in a flower. 

 Ask me what I had to let go of.  Let me tell you what broke my fingernails. Let me show you my scratch marks. I fought so hard for my heart not to break.  It was your home. 

 This part of morning I love. I fill up the kettle, to make my tea. I open up the house. A lone star looks back at me. A butterfly flies past. Everyone's still asleep. It's so quiet on a Sunday morning.

 We take things for granted. We become so chill, we become lazy. Relationships go stale. The laughter dies, and even the longing. Look at them like you're seeing them for the first time. Imagine again that thrill when you first got to know them. That, is what should hit you every time.

Despite the chaos in mind and body and surroundings, I refuse to lay down.  I wonder why certain things happen to people... But it makes us realise, it makes us move, it makes us change. Trust is lost, strength is found. Love is lost, living is discovered. Nothing in nature is still. Ever. And if ever it is, it's at demise. So I will not give up, until the end. 

 It's a sad state when a person has reached a level of apathy.  It's not that it was a goal, no... It's because they gave, and gave, and bled, and screamed and cried and said "I'm here, don't discard me! I'm someone, something and I feel!" But nobody heard, nobody came.

 She left you to discover herself, again.  A shake off of years of habits.  A renewal. A promise to herself of better days ahead. 

 She doesn't write to you anymore. She writes to the sky. At least her words land somewhere.  

 Words that she wrote and you never read. Lost in the ether. 

 As much as I do love you, I understand that you are not good for me. And I know that the day I close myself off to you, I will breathe happily again. 

 I don't understand at times, how such coolness and calmness can cause chaos. The Moon is a lot like me.

What will I do when you are not there anymore? What will I do?  Who will send me flowers, without any reason?  Who will send me books on my birthday?  Who will I send my poetry to?  Who will read it and tell me "It's beautiful"?  Who will ask me how I am, and notice that I'm quiet for days?  My world is going to become very quiet and lonely without you. 

Tears. Why? Because I've just understood the level of disrespect that was given to me. 

Everything around me is a memory of you. Everything is a ghost that haunts me. Mocking me, saying 'nothing lasts forever, what made you think forever was with him?'

 "I can't, you see. I can't go back to how it was. I'm not the same person anymore. And don't get me wrong. It killed me, it really did. It killed us, but you didn't see what you did. You didn't get that I knew all along. I was giving you time. Time to straighten yourself up and to realise that you're about to lose me. And you did. And now you know, oh boy, do you know of how good it all was and how you threw it away. So now that I'm not there anymore, please move on and move out of my way. I need to live loudly."

Give yourself time  Give your mind grace  Learn to heal Nobody can do that for you No superficial attachment that you may want as 'being in love' will fix your life for you  Yes you're lonely and yes you need to be around people But learn sit with yourself first Work through the loss, the loneliness and the grief Come out the other side  and then see the abundance of attraction and what is real We have been there and we have come through it So can you

 At night, I'll move to your side of the bed. It makes me sad when I do this, because it's still your side, but you aren't coming back.  And on cold nights, I'll tuck my blanket under my body, coccoon myself up. I then hear your voice saying to me "Here, cover yourself, you're cold" and you'd wrap me up so I am warm. But you won't do that now because you aren't coming back.  And some nights I think maybe it's all a bad dream and I'll wake up with you being on your side, but it won't ever happen, because you aren't coming back.