Elly Grey

What have you endured?  What battles have you fought? How many did you win?  And yet you never gave up.  That's strength. 

 There are signs that I'll see. It's the Universe's way of nudging me. It's telling me to look down, slow down, and pay attention.  It makes me stop and smile.  It allows me to maintain a child-like wonder of the world around me.  It's so important...so important to do this.  To realise there's something so small that can catch my attention and bring my thinking to a stand still.  Just a leaf, a heart shaped, golden leaf laying on the ground signalling me to notice it.  I did, I saw it's the perfect shape of a heart. It made me think of you and that I'll ask how yours is. A pause between heartbeats.  A question asked.  How's your heart? 

 A man does not love you.  He lusts for you. The attention he pays to you is only to get an outcome for himself.  Once he has that, you are nothing to him.  Do not mistake his talking to you as his interest in you.  Or that he is vested in a friendship.  Be guarded and respect yourself enough to say "no".  He will move on very fast when he hears that.  And you will see how genuine he was.  Lust is not love. Attention to you is not a commitment. Persistence is not interest. Words are empty. 

 Even a heart doesn't stay broken forever. Where is that person you thought you couldn't live without?  Just look at your heart now, flowers have bloomed. 

 See what you've done?  You took a heart that was loving, giving and expansive and made a mockery of it.  Now she's guarded. There's barbed wire around her heart. Now try her. You can't because you ruined it. 

 I will say this much,  There isn't a day that goes by when I don't miss you.  I wish I could rest my head on your chest, and sleep. I want to tell you so much.  Every silly detail.  I know you tell me I talk too much but I also know you miss me too. 

And you go on without them being a part of your day, the one you thought that you couldn't go without. The thing is, there was a time where you were living life without them and you were doing just fine. And then there came a time where each moment, you wanted to share with them and it became a habit. But habits can be broken and now look at yourself. You're getting there. You will get there.  Where?  To that place of peace and calm, where they don't care, and that won't affect you; where they don't need to know, and you'll go on living.  You'll breathe and take it all day by day, living life, your way.  And where the heart was once blue, it's now white.

And tomorrow never came because it never does. How clever were you and how hopeful was I? 

And when there's no spoken word, there is still the written.  And that's worse.

 The freedom from everything. That's what I want. No longing, no yearning, no hoping, no pain. 

If you cry too much, You'll create a sea. And then you'll have to surf it to get over it. And if you don't know how to surf,  Then that's a problem... So,  We don't cry. Simple. 

You don't know, do you, how much I like being with you? Actually, you really have no idea. 

 I'm not going to blow,  And force my wish into the air. No, I'm going to let the wind carry my words to you. I'll say nothing.  I'll do nothing. And you'll hear it.  Loud and clear. 

 Misunderstood emotions  Words held back And then said wrong  Hidden hurt Buried lies Did you burn your tongue? Did you bite it hard? Did it leave the bitter taste of coffee in your mouth when you told her? 

 Hey, just think about this for a second... There's someone out there who thinks about you when they see something. It could be when they see the moon, or the title of a book, or when they hear a particular song. It could be when they see a certain flower, or catch the whiff of a particular scent. It could be when they see someone who resembles you slightly.  There's something special about you that they remember when they see something.  Isn't that beautiful? And aren't you special?  To be thought of, to be held in regard and to be remembered.  That's special. 

The reality check of what was and what it is.  As clear as a puddle on the ground.  It's not a mirror that you see.  It's what will never be. 

"Make room for the love that's sure to come." I read this quote in a book I'm reading. It's so poignant. Let go of the pain, the past because holding on to it only becomes poisonous. Nothing is stagnant, everyone and everything moves, so move too. Move to make room. 

How much does a daughter miss her father?  The Heavens do not know. The sky would cry if it had an inkling. The rains would never stop. Floods would overflow and destroy.  A daughter misses her father like nothing has ever missed anything before.  Dare you ask, dare you know