Daddy

 How much do I miss my Dad? I have a photo of him on the sideboard near my dining table. Why? Because he was a foodie, and when I sit to eat my meals, it feels like he's with me. Everyday, I run my index finger down his cheek and smile at him. When I'm excited about some news, I'll tell him. I even told him that his friend died, and to expect him in Heaven. I miss hearing his voice on the phone. My mind still reacts and will remind me to call Dad before he sleeps. I miss his fragrance and I miss kissing his cheek. When I was leaving the hospital one day, before his deterioration, I said "I'll be back tomorrow" and Dad said "I love you" and I said "I love you too!". I'll never forget that. 

A girl's true love. Her Dad.

Paris

 "What's the next city we're going to see?"

"Paree!"

"Can you speak French? I can't. We're going to be in trouble if we both cannot".

"Tout ce qui compte c'est que nous serons ensemble. Tout ce qui compte, ce sont les câlins, les bisous et les moments en ville. Toi avec moi"

"Uh.."

"All that matters is that we will be together. All that matters are hugs, kisses and moments in the city. You, with me". 

"Done".

Tell me

Attention, affection and appreciation. 

That's all. 

That's all I want from you. 

And if you can't do one or all three...

Just tell me. 

Him. Home

He was my 'home', the place I felt safe.

His arms were my walls. 

His eyes, windows. 

His hands, the door. 

His voice, the roof. 

His laughter, my happiness. 

His perfume, my air. 

How much he meant to me, he probably will never understand. 

The feeling of totally being safe with him. 

Here's to:

Here's to days that we wanted, but will never happen because something better is coming. 

Here's to the love that was a delusion, but has now cleared the way for something real.

Here's to unhappy moments that had to happen to show us what true happiness looks like.

Here's to heartache that taught us that life isn't fair but when it's time, it's absolutely, perfectly right. 

Mind Games.

When something ends, your mind plays terrible tricks on you. It reminds you of past conversations. It plays reels in your head of special moments. It makes you think about how perfect the moments were, but then harshly shows you the reality. It's unforgiving because it replays words. It makes your heart weaker which will ache in response. The mind will say 'remember this time?' and you'll fall the yearning  again and again. 

Be

All we want is for someone to be there and to know that we aren't standing alone. We want to be able to say what we really want to say. We want for someone to hold space for us. We don't want apathy, or someone being nonchalant. We want to be and to belong. We want to know we matter and that our presence means something. We're tired of loneliness, and being ignored. It's simply that all we want is to be loved.