Frankie

 It's strange how much a four legged furry family member brings you warmth. Yesterday, I asked my doggo to sit next to me, and she did. I told her "Frankie, Frankie... I'm sad Frankie. I'm really sad". She looked at me, like really looked at me. Her eyes showed me she knows. I kept petting her and she flopped her head into my lap. Dogs bring such comfort. It's amazing. They are so full of unconditional love. They can't say it to us but they are there, listening and loving. 

Dark

What lies within me right now is a story you'll never hear again. I don't have any words that come to respond to you. It's like, since that day, you've extinguished a light that shon in me. My light was doing no harm to you. All it did was love you. But it's no more. And now it's dark. 

Broken

 How does my heart feel tonight? 

It's broken because it has let him go. 

He... Who was my everything. 

He... Who today said everything and anything that came onto his tongue

He... Who is no more. 

So how does my heart feel tonight? 

Bruised.

Broken. 

Petals

You feel pain,

Because there are thorns.

But don't forget the softness,

Because, there are the petals...

Autumn leaves

Why should I hold on? 

Because I still believe. 

And why should I let go? 

Because they do. 

Heart on my sleeve

 Always with my heart on my sleeve. 

When I talk about things, I get tears in my eyes. 

My whole life, I've been called 'too sensitive'. 

But I'd rather feel everything than feel nothing. 

I'd rather look at the world with love.

Mother's Day

 It's been a tough 7 months for my mother after Dad's passing. I don't think there's never been a time where I have talked about Dad and she looked at his photo on the wall and cried. And yet, she picked up her broken heart and went on day by day.  My mother is the epitome of strength to me. From the stories Dad would tell us of her being his young bride stepping into a life in England, he told us how he built her confidence to interact with society and she bloomed. I'm in awe of that. To move to Australia with me, a baby less than one year old, navigate building a new life, and going onto having three more children, looking after our schooling and well-being, running her own business for 25 years, still managing a beautiful, warm, welcoming home. Always smiling, accommodating, cooking... cooking more, cooking anyone's favourite food when she knew they were coming over, packing food for Pakistani students (the students remember this gesture forever), having an active social circle, and in these later years being Dad's fulltime carer. I saw it all. 

I saw her tiredness and frustrations but she still went on. When I'd mention more carers for Dad, she wouldn't have a bar of it. 

And now it's her turn. Her turn to rest and take a breather. My mother is everything to us 4. We don't say it enough or show it enough and we have this one day that comes up in May to create a tribute. 

When I think of posts that say 'Name something your Mother taught you?' I'm usually lost for words because what hasn't she taught me? She's the strongest, most confident, most intelligent, most resourceful and most loving woman I know. If I'm anything today, it's because of her. My efficiency, my tidiness, my skill at running my home, my knowledge on cooking pilau, or knowing how to make gulab jamun, perfect butter cake and ras malai (just by watching her do it over the years), is because of her. We are nothing without her.